She sits in the waiting room as others pass her by. She sits as feet tap in rhythm and babies start to cry. She sits as faces come and go, as bodies blur and pass, as the ticking of the clock is the only noise left behind.
She ignores the judgement on their faces as she walks despite the ache. She hears the sniggering from behind as her pain affects her gait. She enters the cubicle with a label, a warning for all to see; look out, I’m a woman, with chronic pain for all to see.
She ignores the pointedness of the questions and the judgements they unveil. She shields the interrogation of her inner life with grace and a smile. She keeps her eyes on the ground as she opens up her pain, feeling the heat of shame as the word liar is branded upon her skin.
She sits there in silence as his mouth moves up and down, his lips forming words that have been moulded for decades in her mind.
She hears the sighs and roll of eyes as she receives each and every test. She feels the glances as she walks like an actress to her death. She hears the judgement in the corner as her presence is packed up and thrown away; she needs to act much better if she wants to play the game.
She sits there in silence, having rehearsed this all before; she knows the ending of the play having been here many times before. She accepts the reassurances with a silence, a stare and nothing more, waiting for the moment where he goes ‘we can do nothing more.’ She takes in the cut of his trousers as they dangle to and fro, her presence now a boredom with another patient on the go. He ignores her pleas and anguish and cuts away the screen.
Are you depressed? Are you stressed? Do you want to live your life?
She ignores the clenching of her stomach and the cramping up her back. She says her please and her thank you’s and realises it’s time to depart. She keeps her head held up high and her gait kept firm and straight. Just a few more steps to go and then the tears can come in spates. She takes in the aching of her joints, the squeezing of her hips; she allows the pain to overcome her like a monster in the mist. She feels her body scream and burn as she struggles up the path, being labelled once again with an illness she hasn’t got.
